Monday, October 18, 2010

I looked down at my feet, and I see...

I am much higher than I thought I'd be! --Tanya Donnelly

Ten years ago, I lost my mom to cancer.

We certainly didn't see eye to eye about things, but we loved fiercely.  It was such a difficult time in my life; however, her death made me realize that I wanted to make some changes in my life. 

It is ironic that the loss of my mother and my reflection on our relationship (or sometimes lack thereof) made me realize that I wanted (needed) to be a mother again (and again, and again).  :)

Although hard to explain, during that time, it felt as though I was living inwardly.  It felt like such a self-indulgent life.  

I realized that I needed a family.  To me, a fulfilling life is that in which I can live outwardly through the things that my family experiences together.   I love the things that we share and the things we do.  I love being a mom, good times, bad times, crazy times, and hilarious times. 

Maybe it was my mom's ultimate gift to me.  Her death helped me realize the absolute joy that my family has provided. 

Thank you, mom!  I miss you terribly and I love you with all of my heart. 

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